Falling Fire

Author’s note: Please forgive the lack of eloquence in this post. I know it’s sloppy, but I’m too eager for the message to take the time to write this beautifully.

This past weekend (Friday night and all day Saturday) there was a Christian conference in town led by a handful of internationally-known evangelists. On Friday night, there was a woman sitting with our group that during the service, expressed her desire to be baptized in the Holy Spirit, wishing that the speaker that night, as he was laying hands on some people, would come lay hands on her also.

After the service was over and her desire hadn’t been fulfilled, we asked her if we could pray for her to be baptized in the Spirit, and instantly Satan yanked her desire away, and she said no. As we conversed with her, I remember her saying something about not being sure if it was for her because she doesn’t need it to be a Christian.

God reminded me this morning of that conversation, and I wish I would have thought then to say something about my own experience. I doubt it would have made a difference in that moment, but I’m certain it would have planted a seed for later. I obviously can’t go back in time, but I can share my thoughts here. Who knows, maybe somehow she’ll see this. Or if not, I have no doubt that there are others who will read this with the same thoughts and questions. You know how I know? Because it was only a few months ago that I was one of them.

As a child, I was raised in the Assemblies of God church, which if you are not familiar, strongly emphasizes the baptism of the Holy Spirit. The weekly service was almost always brought to a pause by someone shouting out in tongues, followed by a silent pause to wait for someone to interpret. People falling on the ground under the power of the Spirit happened regularly. I even remember vividly that one weekend we had a guest preacher, who laid hands on people that came forward to the altar. As one woman fell, I physically felt the rushing wind of the Holy Spirit. Yet, I was never baptized in Him myself.

One summer–I believe I was 8–my brother and I went to church camp with our church’s kid’s ministry. It wasn’t a very fun experience for me for many different reasons, but the thing that stands out most to me now is the memory of feeling like I was less of a Christian because I didn’t speak in tongues. (This is, unfortunately, a common feeling in AG churches). As a grew up, I think that unknowingly put a little resentment in me towards the subject.

Fast forward several years. Even once I was back in church on a regular basis, the baptism of the Spirit was something that turned from something I didn’t think I needed or really cared about to something that I never thought about and wasn’t exposed to anymore.

Fast forward again, this time, to last year. AMT. Overland strongly believes in the baptism of the Holy Spirit, so I was face to face with it once again. Being raised around it, I thought I understood it, despite having never experienced it myself. But being around it again, especially when everyone else was baptized in the Spirit, really made me question that. At first, I was upset. I didn’t understand why I had never–and seemingly couldn’t–experience it, too. That quickly turned back into resentment and the question that if I don’t need it to be a Christian, or even a missionary, what’s the point?

Fast forward to May of this year. I was spending a week down at our office in Merritt Island, and happening that same week was a conference at the church in Tampa of a very good friend of Overland. So one night, a couple of my co-workers and I drove over there. Once again, I was face-to-face with all the things I didn’t understand–people falling out all over the place, others bursting out laughing through the joy of the Lord, and, honestly, I found myself a bit uncomfortable. But as the night progressed, I tried to just be open-minded. It was decided at the end of the night that Pastor Rodney would go around and lay hands on every single person in the room. To be honest, I was nervous as heck. I’ve had experiences in the past with pastors physically pushing on my head to make me fall out, and if it was every going to happen for me, I wanted it to be real. So as we waited for our turn, I laid out my concerns before the Lord, and I finally came to a place of surrender, where my heart truly said, “Lord, come and do whatever you want to.” Still incredibly nervous as Pastor Rodney approached, I lifted up my hands and instantly began shaking. Then I felt him gently put his hand on my forearm and down I went. I actually kind of jolted out of it on the way down out of shock that it actually happened.

Since that time, I’ve fallen out again, laughed in the Spirit (something I truly thought wasn’t possible for me because I’m a crier, not a laugher), and spoken in tongues. And I can honestly tell you that it is crazy and weird and confusing and unexplainable, but it’s also completely life changing. I was already in awe of what God has done in me in the past couple years, but since being baptized with fire, I truly can’t even express how different I am, especially after being prayed for by about 40 people over the weekend. I have joy like never before, a brand new song in my heart, and fire in my veins.

Do we NEED the baptism of the Holy Spirit? No. But if we desire everything that God has for us (which we should), why wouldn’t we want it? I know now that it’s something you truly don’t realize how much you want it until you’ve tasted it. I’ve tasted it now, and I never ever ever want to go back.

I know that the reason I didn’t get baptized by fire during AMT is because my motivations weren’t clear, but rather I wanted it because everyone else had it and I felt like something was wrong with me without it. But just like other areas of my life, when I finally got to the place of surrendering all my questions and doubts and fears about it to the Lord in exchange for whatever He wants to do, He gently submerged me. So if you can relate, bring your doubts and questions to Him, and let Him show you what He can do in you.

“Picture yourself among the disciples: A sound roars from the sky without warning, the roar of a violent wind, and the whole house where you are gathered reverberates with the sound. Then a flame appears, dividing into smaller flames and spreading from one person to the next. All the people present are filled with the Holy Spirit and begin speaking in languages they’ve never spoken, as the Spirit empowers them.” Acts 2:2-4 (voice)