A Post That’s Not About Missions

Sometimes–you may have had one of those moments–where God just lays something on your heart.

I could, theoretically, post this on my old blog, which perhaps would be more suitable, but that blog symbolizes my “old” life (old in quotations because the last post on there was only a year ago).

But, hey, it’s my blog and I do what I want.

The other day I felt God drop in my spirit the need to really amp up my time spent with Him. I’m a go-big-or-go-home type, and sometimes I know not how to find middle ground but only how to go to extremes, so for this season, I am spending ALL my free time with Him, in the form of reading the Word, singing along to worship, or listening to sermons, and I am not allowing myself even 5 minutes of anything else. Maybe that sounds extreme to the average person, but God certainly hasn’t called me to live an average life. (Okay, I’m sorry, that was kind of about missions. But I digress). So I’ve been watching a lot of sermons, not just from my own church, but from pastors across the country. I decided to watch something from Louie Giglio, and the one I happened to click on was about relationships and dating, which has brought the subject to my mind.

All of that to say that that is what this post is about.

You could certainly argue, based upon my current relationship status and my relationship history that I have no business writing on the subject. Fair enough. I’ve been in 4 relationships–the first was my senior year of high school, the last ended over two years ago, and none lasted longer than a year, though one had a proposal in the middle. None of those relationships brought glory to God, and coincidentally, I fully surrendered my life to the Lord (after “being saved” since the age of 7) after the last ended. Relationships/marriage had (perhaps ‘has’ is more appropriate) been the major focus for most of my life, and also the cause of much hardship–screaming in anger on my part–in my relationship with God. After getting broken up with yet again, I knew something had to change. (Little did I know how much my whole life really would change–sorry, missions again.)

To me, that’s why I can write this.

I have ZERO regrets about not having my first boyfriend or first kiss until I was almost 18; in fact, even saying that sounds ridiculously silly now because I have a few friends in their low to mid 20s that have just now had their first boyfriend and first kiss–and frankly, I’m kinda jealous. But back then, it felt like I was so late in the game, and I remember telling myself that I would observe and learn from other people’s relationships so that by the time I got in one, it’d be a successful relationship. Well that obviously didn’t work so well. But it has helped me now.

One of my favorite parts of AMT (not about missions, promise) was the incredible team of people I got to meet and work with and spend every day with and fall totally in love with as my siblings in Christ–and 8 of those were men. Godly, amazing men that I’m so proud to call my brothers and my friends.

I’ve written a few blogs on Godly men and my search for them and shared my pastor’s sermon on being a Godly man numerous times. But until May, I didn’t feel like I knew any–at least not that were unmarried and/or my age. But, oh, now I know that they do indeed exist, and that has eternally changed my standard of men and dating.

That change is good, very good. But that also means I spent 7 years settling for less because I didn’t have any proof that anything better existed. Those blogs I wrote didn’t even set the bar that high–and even that felt impossible.

This post isn’t about me, though.

There are way too many women that are settling in that same way. If this is you or has been you or if you’re getting defensive saying it’s not you then it probably is you, then this is for you. It’s short and probably really sloppy, but also really really important.

“He’s not living for God yet, and I know I’ll have to break up with him if he doesn’t start, but he treats me so well and is respectful of my wishes.”

Sorry, beautiful woman, that combination of words should never cross your mind or come out of your mouth, and I’ve heard it too frequently lately. I don’t care how well he treats you or respects your wishes. He will never be able to truly treat you like a daughter of God if he isn’t a son of God. Okay, so maybe you can pray for him a ton and maybe he’ll start living for the Lord, but let’s be real, you cannot and should not be counting on that.

YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND, NOT A DIY PROJECT. The Fixer Upper song from Frozen should not be the theme song of your relationship or relationship search. Will even the most Godly man on earth be perfect? Of course not. But he (with the aiding of God and the Word and maybe some Godly male influences) should be constantly “fixing” himself.

YOU DESERVE TO BE LEAD from day one to the end.

A MAN WHO IS NOT PURSUING GOD WITH EVERYTHING HE IS MADE OF WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PURSUE YOU. A man who doesn’t love God can’t love you like God loves the church. A man who isn’t led by God can’t lead you. A man should lead you closer to God than he does to himself.

I get it. I do. Loneliness sucks. We were wired for relationships and designed for marriage. God planted those desires in your heart, and waiting for the fulfillment is never easy. But focus on God and work on you. Run the race that God is calling you to; run hard and run fast after God’s heart. And then at some point, a man will look over and see you running next to him, and there you go. (And trust me, I need a reminder of that, too).